Bible Beta

Dear Faithful Christian,

Due to a recent decline in church attendance, we are currently pursuing new members. Currently we are targetting urban youth. Therefore, we are proud to offer you the opportunity to review an "urbanized" version of the bible. Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated.


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Yo listen up I got a story to tell;
'Bout a pimp named Jesus who'll save ya from hell.
Boy was just a baby when some brothas rolled up to da curb;
Dey gave 'im chrome spinners and some luscious herb.
Fastforward, just a kid, chillin' downtown;
convinced some devout motherfuckers he was born for tha crown.
Skip ahead once again, a straight up G;
Sanctimonious as fuck all, can't-you-see?
Ladies called 'im The Carpenter cuz his wood always be erect;
He could hammer 'n' nail like Noah, respect!
Rollin' round the desert for forty days 'n' nights;
Didn't even flinch, took piety to new heights!
Bitches were talkin' "fuck dis imposter!";
Meanwhile JC be walkin' 'cross the water.
Give 'em yo sick, yo weak, yo lame, all the same;
He'll cure em all, put Hippocrates to shame!
Romans playa hatin', tellin' him to take it all back;
Homedog just turned the other cheek, made 'em look whack!
But the haters did hate, sentenced to death, aight;
Nothin' could stop 'im, back from the dead, third night.
Bro showed up, stigmata all up ins;
Cooler than ice, forgave all our sins.
His work here done, up to paradise like a rocket ship;
Bitch was the straight up son of God, what a trip!