Greetings, potential migrant citizen, and congratulations on reading the "Introduction to Canada Panflet" that comes with every bottle of Canadiana Maple Syrup™. The subsequent pages will detail what makes Canada unique and why you should become a part of our nation.
Unlike many other countries, Canada always puts the environment first. In lieu of traditional "cities," Canadians have grown to live with the natural flora and fauna. Instead of ripping out Mother Earth's entrails and piling them up into "sky scrapers" we integrate our homes into the trees of the forests.
Similarly, cars are also taboo. Rather than pollute the air with inefficient fossil fuels, Canadians have learned to commune and cooperate with the animals. Our diverse animal life offers a myriad of transportation options. Need a compact ride for getting to and from work? Look no further than our good friend the beaver. Perhaps you just need to get the kids safely to soccer practice? Sounds like a job for the good old fashioned Canadian Moose.
Education is also very important to our country. Unfortunately, traditional "schools" were outlawed in 1973 because such large concentrations of people inevitably attracted the yetis.
Instead, Canada offers a diverse selection of apprenticeships. Whether you're looking to become a lumberjack or evil mastermind, Canada has a program for it.
Just looking to have a fun time with friends and family? Look no further than all the great activities Canada has to offer! Between chainsaw juggling and Extreme Seal Clubbing™ who wouldn't have fun?
Hopefully this panflet has helped you decide if Canada is right for you, and thank you for considering us as your future home.*
*Offer not available to citizens of the United States of America. Your shit will seriously get wrecked. Don't even try.
Unlike many other countries, Canada always puts the environment first. In lieu of traditional "cities," Canadians have grown to live with the natural flora and fauna. Instead of ripping out Mother Earth's entrails and piling them up into "sky scrapers" we integrate our homes into the trees of the forests.
Education is also very important to our country. Unfortunately, traditional "schools" were outlawed in 1973 because such large concentrations of people inevitably attracted the yetis.
Yeti Buffet.
Instead, Canada offers a diverse selection of apprenticeships. Whether you're looking to become a lumberjack or evil mastermind, Canada has a program for it.
Just looking to have a fun time with friends and family? Look no further than all the great activities Canada has to offer! Between chainsaw juggling and Extreme Seal Clubbing™ who wouldn't have fun?
Rocket boots: ENGAGE!
Hopefully this panflet has helped you decide if Canada is right for you, and thank you for considering us as your future home.*
*Offer not available to citizens of the United States of America. Your shit will seriously get wrecked. Don't even try.
I am soon going to acquire dual Australia-USA citizenship. Would I then qualify? Wanna live in a treehouse.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure Australia is supposed to be the southern version of Canada. I wouldn't mention the USA part of your citizenship, though.
ReplyDeleteGotta love that Japanese writing beneath that Canadian treehouse.
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