Klïp Klöp

Klip Klop, Klip Klop;
Outta my way can't stop!
Ridin' my steed down the dusty trail;
Droppin' weak ass bitches without fail!
Masters of battle, elegant as fuck all;
Cavalry's 'ere, no time to stall!
This shit ain't 'bout no punk as lil' ponies;
I be reppin' for the beastly equine beauties!
I hear all y'all be sayin' "horses be whack!";
But I'd like to see ya go 88 with a midget on yo' back!
Step off motorists, why you gots to be hatin;
Internal combustion just be weak ass emulatin'!
Features ain't nothin', Bluetooth an' GPS, no threat;
I'm a mother fuckin' cowboy, only direction is sunset!
Camels 'n' mules, whatever, just plain hacks;
Ain't never seen a llama on these here tracks!
Nothin' can match up, kings among playas;
Takin' down QB's in the motherfuckin' himalayas!
Slayin' dragons, conquerin' nations, no prob';
They'll drop you down an' make you sob!

Peace, motherfuckers.

How to be a Knight

So I'm pretty sure your life sucks pretty hard. In fact, I'm certain you were about to kill yourself. Which raises a pretty good question: Was reading this really going to be your final act? You might as well kill yourself if that's what your priorities are. Wait, no. Read this first.

You should clearly take up the noble career of KNIGHTSMANSHIP because, seriously, no one cares about your mastery of ANGSTMANSHIP. It's a relatively simple task if you follow these easy steps.