How to Make a Speech - By Shadow of the Lotus

Shadow of the Lotus is a pretty cool dude.  I say that because it's true and not because the first paragraph of his guest article got me all hot and bothered.  Definitely not the latter.

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Hello all of you out there; I just got out of the shower and so I’m typing this only wearing a towel. Luckily for me, none of you can see this. Unluckily for you, NONE OF YOU CAN SEE THIS. What sculpted abs of absolute might or the absolutely hunkalicious way my hair falls against my bare skin can not be properly appreciated in words. You, fair readers, can only attempt to savor the absolute raw sex appeal that sits before you, typing away for your enjoyment. What I’m here to teach you deprived souls of the internet is how to give a speech. There are four central concepts you need to follow in forming and giving a speech and I am here to enlighten you with them. One word of advice, it’s best to reread each section once or twice after reading it or else you won’t really appreciate what’s going on; trust me.

What To Do When You've Burnt Your Tongue

So, you've burnt your tongue.  Maybe you ate some microwaved product too fast.  Maybe you were walking on a bed of coals and you fell, but your hands were tied, so all you could do was fling out your tongue with wild abandon in hopes of protecting the rest of your body.  Maybe you were attacked by one of the infamous Sense Death biker gang, whose modus operandi is the crippling of the senses of those who offend them.

Maybe you just didn't want the bees to sting your tongue.  Completely reasonable!

None of this matters.  In the end, your tongue is burnt, and you've no idea what to do.  Wonder no more, dear readers.  I am here to solve all of your problems.  You're welcome.