Is it a guest blog? Or just a... blog? The World May Never Know (TM)

So I write some funny things on Facebook sometimes. These are some of those.


First, as context, for a while (approximately twelve hours) my profile picture was a ridiculously confused baby. This baby had nothing to do with me at all but was still pretty confused. I wrote the following status:

"the lowercase italicized "f" is always a character I am quick to study in great detail when judging the merit of a typeface. If you can't produce an amazing lowercase italicized "f" easily, you probably shouldn't be in the typeface business."

A Stroll in the Park

Dear readers, please forgive my hiatus. My ladyfriend Catherine recently returned from tending to her ill mother. After the rather emotional weeks she spent as a doting nursemaid, she demanded my exclusive company for several days. Although it was, as always, a delight to entertain her and regale her with anecdotes and fictitious adventures, it kept my pen from my paper for a length of time.

While C. takes great pleasure in wandering the grounds on my estate, after a few days she suggested we travel to the city and enjoy some of the public parklands there. One of our great pastimes is sitting discretely on a bench and regarding the passersby and other various parkgoers, commenting on them mercilessly. We attempt, like children, to maintain our composure and dignity when others approach, switching our discourse to politics, the flux in the transportation market, and so on.

Things You Can Do with Lint

Lint.  You all know what it is.  You probably leave it in your dryer's lint trap for several loads at once, endangering your own life and those of your family just because you're lazy.  Perfectly understandable.  Except it's not.

So here's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to give you that extra motivation you need to collect and dispose of that lint, by showing you a metric fuckton of things you can do with what amounts to the dead skin of your clothing.

What to Do When You're Out of Clothes to Wear

One day, you will wake up, and get ready for your day, and open your closet.  And you will see, in your closet, nothing but bare hangers and a bit of lint in the corner.  Maybe an old baseball glove or magazine sticking out of a cardboard box.  But nothing, absolutely nothing to wear.

You will be confused.  You will be afraid.  These are reasonable responses.  But you're going to have to overcome them and move forward.  With my help, I believe, no, I know that you will surmount this challenge.

Things You Can Do with Ducks, Revisited

It has been brought to my attention that I have forgotten several things you can do with ducks in my prior treatment. Read on for several more fun activities you can do with our seaplane buddies!  Whom you should despise without reservation.  But still, read on!