Oh Sweet Helena!

When I was a young man, many untruths reigned freely in my troubled mind. Despite my father’s wisdom, I regularly mistook any fleeting glance from a lady to be signs of unrequited love. The passions that raged within me from these accidental moments would be quelled only by drowning them later in wine, when I would writhe in miserable anguish on the study floor, red sediment staining my lips from their familiar hold on the bottle.

Helena was by far the most thirst-inducing of all the nymphs of my youth. Oh sweet Helena, forgive my foolishness!

I Review Paranormal Activity

Paranormal Activity is a movie about paranormal activity.  It is not a documentary, as the advertisements would have you believe.  It is entirely fictitious.  It had an extremely low budget, the lowest budget for a feature film since The Blair Witch Project.

This is the only laudable fact about the entire movie.  Everything else is total shit.

I Review Secret Girlfriend

Secret Girlfriend is a show on Comedy Central.  It is bad, in many ways.

This show does not deserve your time or even to exist at all.