SAVE MY BACON AUSTIN - by Austin

Well, it's that time again.  I am just being SO DAMN LAZY.  So I implored Austin to provide me with content to post.  He has obliged, as any manboy slave should.

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SAVE MY BACON AUSTIN

This is the four-word phrase/sentence/series of letters that Ryan "I am totally cool dawg" Weird-Last-Name sent me as a message through Facebook chat today when I asked him (or should I say, told him) about writing a guest blog for The Slap Dash Web Blog Page, located at the internetz. (The joke is that I am saying things with words that are misspelled!)


One of my friends is sitting next to me reading words from her notes about Western Civilization. As in, Civilizations of Western Societies. She just told me about the Domo of Something. I don't even have any fucking idea what that is, but okay! She just said "this dumbass class". Dumbass is a naughty word and people who say naughty words are so fucking stupid.

(The joke is that I am being a hypocrite!)

(Hypocrisy is not appreciated in most societies.)

So anyway, "SAVE MY BACON AUSTIN". The lack of a comma means that we can draw all sorts of interesting conclusions about what it is that the author is saying in the piece which he has written.

That's pretty much how I tend to write in my papers, because there's way too little information that I have to convey in too much space, so my words are stretched out into absurdly long sentences. Drawing things out is a good skill; for instance, I can spend as many as six hours at work just trying to clock out! All that time is spent getting paid more money! Sort of like how I am getting paid by the word for this article.

Which I am. Right?

Riiiiight?

No?

Oh.

So anyway.

Bacon.

Work.

Oh yeah! So I made a pizza with bacon on it at work last night. It was almost as cool as Leon Battista Alberti. He was a badass, apparently. I got told that I had to mention him in this guest blog. Also, I have to use the words "designer crap".

Okay, I've got that done with. Now back to the matter at hand. Bacon. And pizza. The pizza also had chicken and steak.

Note that when I say "steak" I really mean what the company that provides it refers to as steak. I can't actually guarantee that it fits any real standard of "steakness".

That's not even a word, but I just used it in a sentence.

It was delicious. So delicious. The best thing I've ever put in my mouth.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

It's funny because the words that I said (and by said I mean typed) can be construed as sexual. You, the reader, hear where (and by hear I mean see) I wrote "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and then make an effort to comprehend the sexual connotation of the words I said (and by said I mean wrote).

You can tell that I'm a hilarious person because I explain my jokes in an ironic manner, robbing them of their inherent humorosity.

My friend says that "humorosity" is not a word. Well she can just go suck it.

She replied "suck what?" while smirking.

The implication is that she was referring to the cock.

Yes, she wants to go stick a male chicken in her mouth.

Or something along those lines. Possibly involving penis.

Well, this was a successful guest blog. I'll see you next time, kids! Wait, you kids were reading about penis? You're losing your allowance for a week!