Fitness, by Wheatthins

Oh man, fitness is good for you!

very good. In fact, a fit,
exercised body and spirit is
really everything you should aim
to achieve with your life.
having a fit body will leave you
re-energized at the beginning
of the day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Muscle milk is one way to get
all muscled up. You can tell
really easy about this because
everybody who drinks it in the ads
looks all fit, so I'm sure it works!

okay, bye!!!!!!!!

Is it a guest blog? Or just a... blog? The World May Never Know (TM)

So I write some funny things on Facebook sometimes. These are some of those.


First, as context, for a while (approximately twelve hours) my profile picture was a ridiculously confused baby. This baby had nothing to do with me at all but was still pretty confused. I wrote the following status:

"the lowercase italicized "f" is always a character I am quick to study in great detail when judging the merit of a typeface. If you can't produce an amazing lowercase italicized "f" easily, you probably shouldn't be in the typeface business."

SAVE MY BACON AUSTIN - by Austin

Well, it's that time again.  I am just being SO DAMN LAZY.  So I implored Austin to provide me with content to post.  He has obliged, as any manboy slave should.

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SAVE MY BACON AUSTIN

This is the four-word phrase/sentence/series of letters that Ryan "I am totally cool dawg" Weird-Last-Name sent me as a message through Facebook chat today when I asked him (or should I say, told him) about writing a guest blog for The Slap Dash Web Blog Page, located at the internetz. (The joke is that I am saying things with words that are misspelled!)

A Stroll in the Park

Dear readers, please forgive my hiatus. My ladyfriend Catherine recently returned from tending to her ill mother. After the rather emotional weeks she spent as a doting nursemaid, she demanded my exclusive company for several days. Although it was, as always, a delight to entertain her and regale her with anecdotes and fictitious adventures, it kept my pen from my paper for a length of time.

While C. takes great pleasure in wandering the grounds on my estate, after a few days she suggested we travel to the city and enjoy some of the public parklands there. One of our great pastimes is sitting discretely on a bench and regarding the passersby and other various parkgoers, commenting on them mercilessly. We attempt, like children, to maintain our composure and dignity when others approach, switching our discourse to politics, the flux in the transportation market, and so on.

Other Countries: Do They Even Exist? - By Jonny Boy

Jonny Boy is, without question, the most sour individual I have ever had the pleasure of speaking to.  He strives to drench every word with hate and contempt when he addresses anyone.  It is with great pleasure that I unleash him on you.

How to Make a Speech - By Shadow of the Lotus

Shadow of the Lotus is a pretty cool dude.  I say that because it's true and not because the first paragraph of his guest article got me all hot and bothered.  Definitely not the latter.

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Hello all of you out there; I just got out of the shower and so I’m typing this only wearing a towel. Luckily for me, none of you can see this. Unluckily for you, NONE OF YOU CAN SEE THIS. What sculpted abs of absolute might or the absolutely hunkalicious way my hair falls against my bare skin can not be properly appreciated in words. You, fair readers, can only attempt to savor the absolute raw sex appeal that sits before you, typing away for your enjoyment. What I’m here to teach you deprived souls of the internet is how to give a speech. There are four central concepts you need to follow in forming and giving a speech and I am here to enlighten you with them. One word of advice, it’s best to reread each section once or twice after reading it or else you won’t really appreciate what’s going on; trust me.

Things You Can Do with Lint

Lint.  You all know what it is.  You probably leave it in your dryer's lint trap for several loads at once, endangering your own life and those of your family just because you're lazy.  Perfectly understandable.  Except it's not.

So here's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to give you that extra motivation you need to collect and dispose of that lint, by showing you a metric fuckton of things you can do with what amounts to the dead skin of your clothing.