Fire: Pretty Useful

Recent scientific experimentation has led to the discovery, and subsequent understanding, of fire. A volatile and destructive element with the potential to level cities and vapourize forests. You may think that something so powerful should be destroyed, but you would be mistaken. Fire has infinite practical applications that could bring our glorious society into a golden age of prosperity.

First off, and most importantly, it makes everything awesome. Are you having trouble courting the members of the fairer sex with your considerable skills in the art of fencing? Set your foil ablaze, good sir! The ladies will have no choice but to accept your marriage proposals!

This man is fending off all the ladies who want him.

Similarly, should you find yourself in need of a tad more energy when regaling your honourable chums of your most recent expedition up north, there is no substance more energetic than fire! A little gun powder at the most gripping point in your epic will have them at the edge of their proverbial seats, without fail!

But, joviality is not the only use of this mighty force. Should you find your humble self at the hands of one so accursed as a witch, there is but one solution. You are obligated, as a gentleman, to liberate what remains of her tormented soul unto her maker. This is but a small feat for the blazing glory of the flame. (Simply beheading her will do little to stop her trickery!)

This is the most glorious scene I have ever witnessed.

Rejoice! You have done the impossible and slain a witch. This is a fantastic opportunity to put the next use of our good friend fire to work. Glorious, succulent, meat. Truly an ambrosial experience fit for the Lord Almighty himself. In the hands of a master cusineer your feast will leave none wanting and all praising.

With a beautiful wife, jovial acquaintances, and prosperous land, why keep it to yourself? One of your stature should, nay, is obligated, to allow the common folk to bask in your virtuous glory. Fear not, the phlogistinate might of the flame will make this task a simple undertaking.  By converting this energy into steam, one such as yourself can power the latest in horseless carriage technology. You will quickly become the talk of the town! Perhaps the notoriety could even acquire you a mistress, giving your wife more time to cook and clean. How noble of you!

Indeed, at this point you truly have everything. Perhaps now would be a good time to settle down. Undoubtedly, this is the most glorious function of the flame: unicorns.

Magnificent.

Glass, metal, porcelain, untold wells of equine beauty! Ah, to see your mantle enamoured with such gems would bring even the most stony faced individual to tears! Their wondrous manes and beautiful horns, glistening in the morning light! They beckon to you, consuming your very being with their brilliance. So wondrous, perfection in its purest form.

I... I need a moment to compose myself. I bid you adieu, and wish you luck in your endeavours.